Password joke named funniest at Edinburgh Fringe

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Chattering joke teethA joke about passwords has won a competition for the funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe.

Stand-up comedian Nick Helm was judged to have the best joke of the festival, beating a number of better-known acts. 10 comedy critics spent two weeks hunting for the best jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe, putting their top 30 shortlist to a public vote.

You're probably wondering what this joke is by now, right? Here it is..

"I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

Helm describes himself as "the human car crash of light entertainment".

If you think you know a better joke about computer security, why not leave it as a comment below? Who knows, maybe you'll be making your debut at Edinburgh next year.

A highly exclusive Naked Security t-shirt is up for grabs for whatever we decide is the best entry.

Hat-tip: BBC News via Naked Security reader Barry McCauley

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60 Responses to Password joke named funniest at Edinburgh Fringe

  1. Oldredracer · 5796 days ago

    Last one out hit the start button.

  2. Rayza · 1510 days ago

    I entered "penis" as a password once. The computer rejected it with "password error, not long enough"...

  3. John · 1510 days ago

    Many of these jokes inculding the one by the comdeian I believe have been around Facebook for months, at least. Arent the jokes meant to be orginal in the judging?

    • Gayle · 1510 days ago

      My thoughts exactly.

    • Nifton · 1510 days ago

      And funny......

    • Actually, the Snow White one's been around since the early 90's at least... I believe the first time I heard it was on a sysadmin usenet posting. The '8 characters' bit is telling, as back then, passwords on Unix mainframes were actually limited to 8 characters. I don't think this has been the case now for years....

    • Bill · 1508 days ago

      Nick is one of the judges cousins.

  4. Christo · 1510 days ago

    Norton Antivirus and Internet Security is like Durex Condoms, It doesn't let anything in but also doesn't let anything out as well. "Not Antivirus for the plain Joe out there."

  5. Neil · 1510 days ago

    I was prompted for stronger password so I entered " My Biceps " .. Wasn't allowed space though!

  6. Hmm · 1510 days ago

    I heard this joke in the bar quite some time ago - 2009, I think - told as a "blonde joke".

    We laughed but that was it. Guess British humor is going the way of the British auto industry. Broken down in a pool of oil.

  7. NighEve · 1510 days ago

    “There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence.” – Jeremy S. Anderson

  8. Camthalion · 1510 days ago

    I set my password to "incorrect" so that Windows reminds me every time I get it wrong

  9. David · 1510 days ago

    better joke about computer security: MSIE6?

  10. Alec Waters · 1510 days ago

    <clears throat, hopes for originality>

    Q: How do hackers go down the Cresta Run?
    A: On a NOP sled!

    Boom Boom!

  11. jitskesez · 1510 days ago

    (wearing blonde wig and in whiny tone): ..... and then it says, enter password and I do that and it never works no matter how many times I type it over.

  12. Peter Yates · 1510 days ago

    Old joke: "During a recent password audit, it was found that a computer operator was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento". When asked why it was such a long password, the user said they were told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital."

  13. Steve Sagacious · 1510 days ago

    An oldie & a joke you can't really tell it has to be written;
    There are 10 types of people in the world those who understand binary and those who don't.

  14. only me · 1510 days ago

    I, also, heard that as part of a blonde joke, about a year ago. I guess niether originality, or humor, were part of the criteria.

    • ditvicar · 1510 days ago

      Like several other I have heard this joke before, but I last heard it some 8 or so years ago !! It wasn't really funny then and hasn't got any funnier with maturity. I'd hate to hear what the other jokes were that were not as "good" as this one. I'm cringing at the mere thought of it.

  15. The house was burning and a geek tried to protect himself using his computer.
    "Why did you do that?" His friend asked.
    "Cause my computer have a firewall so it can defend me against fires!" he answered

  16. "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to phish and he'll use your credit card to pay for dinner."

  17. GreyBeard · 1510 days ago

    A real exchange:

    Dear Helpdesk,
    I'd like to know where and how I can change the password. Do I have to appear in person?

    Dear User,
    please use the following link to change your password ...

    Dear Helpdesk,
    I have already tried, it can't be changed! It says, user name (e.g. Monday1) invalid. What's the reason? Why can't the password be changed?

    (Internal comment by Helpdesk: Because today is Thursday?)

  18. Anon · 1510 days ago

    Joke: Gregory D. Evans - "World's No. 1 Hacker"


  19. Craig Bruning · 1510 days ago

    What did one switch say to the other when it went down?
    At least you're not infected like I am.

  20. TimoZ · 1510 days ago

    Mac OS X Lion accepts any password when authenticating via LDAP. What a joke.

  21. Simcha Jessel · 1509 days ago

    Adam and Eve are standing in front of a computer. Adam says to Eve, "Don't touch it, it's an Apple"

  22. Odin · 1509 days ago

    (another oldie)
    I treat my password like my wife. I try to change it often...

  23. Soupy · 1509 days ago

    As told by Steve Gibson: I'd tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.

  24. Sutu · 1504 days ago

    For a list of ways that technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.

  25. David Stewart · 1504 days ago

    What sits on a programmer's shoulder shouting "Pieces of seven; pieces of seven!"?

    A parity bit.

  26. Loretta Carnes · 1504 days ago

    My teenager arrived home from school to find his password changed on his computer.
    Teenager - "Mom, what's my password?"
    Mom - "Clean your room."
    An hour later - "MOM, what's my password?"
    Mom - "Clean your room."
    2 hours later - "MOM, WHAT'S MY PASSWORD?"
    Mom - "cleanyourroom, all one word, no caps!"

  27. Greg · 1504 days ago

    Using Norton Antivirus is like not taking care of your dog properly. If you dont look after your dog, like using Nortons, it gets worms!

  28. Dr Evil · 1504 days ago

    How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None, its a hardware problem.

    Dr Evil.

  29. Giveit Arest · 1504 days ago

    That's about as funny as a tacky pickup line. Give it a rest

  30. Fred · 1504 days ago

    Need a groan after all these witticisms?

    For all i-Pad users concerned about security issues Apple are marketing a couple of i-Patches.

    Yeah, OK, it needs work.

    • pprit · 1398 days ago

      It should go something like this

      What do pirates need for i-Pad problems (malfunctions, security risk, etc.)?
      A regular supply of i-Patches.

  31. Mike · 1503 days ago

    Here's an old Microsoft error message from the year dot.
    'No keyboard detected. Press f1 to continue.'

    • Robaire · 1503 days ago

      It may be old, but it's still current. Booting Windows 7 64 bits on an Asus board, I get that today, but with F1. It ignores it so I haven't got around to "fixing" it. Maybe it's just a "feature" ...

  32. Harriet · 1502 days ago


    A rusty old keyboard and nonsense on Google,
    Large fonts and indents and a Jerusalem kugel,
    Stacks of bad passwords floating in space,
    Where is my lost password?
    I've searched all over the place....

    I looked high, I looked low,
    I searched under the snow.
    I rebooted and defragged.
    I give up.
    I'm jet-lagged.

    I must now save up all my nickels and dimes.
    I have no more time for nonsensical rhymes.
    I cannot rely on my network connector.
    I must NOW install a good VIRUS PROTECTOR.

    (sung to the tune of My Favourite Things with apologies to Oscar Hammerstein and Richard Rogers)

  33. richard · 1419 days ago

    Please advise as to when I should commence laughing.

  34. bobinNH · 1416 days ago

    Q:How many Misrosoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: None, they just declare darkness to be the new standard.

    • nonseq · 1407 days ago

      How. many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? 8- 1 to actually change the bulb and 7 more to make sure Bill Gates recieves $1 for every light bulb ever changed...

  35. randydutton · 1415 days ago

    I read an answer that was even better. It listed all eight name and D.C. Had to be eight characters and contain a capitol.

  36. Andy Oliver · 1414 days ago

    "Knock, knock"

    Who's there?

    "Computer password"....

  37. 2278 · 1403 days ago

    An expert has predicted that computers will eventually replace paper altogether ! Well he has obviously never tried to wipe his arse with his Laptop before

  38. jacaranda jac · 1386 days ago

    What do you get it you stick an i-pad and a Playbook in a liquidiser?

    Apple and Blackberry Crumble..

    Waa waa waaahhhhhhhh

  39. JFChrist · 1384 days ago

    Elise Harris was the funniest person at the Fringe!

  40. vvv · 1040 days ago

    Passwords are like toothbrush dont allow others to use it :)

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About the author

Graham Cluley runs his own award-winning computer security blog at, and is a veteran of the anti-virus industry having worked for a number of security companies since the early 1990s. Now an independent security analyst, he regularly makes media appearances and gives computer security presentations. Follow him on Twitter at @gcluley