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As our social lives have changed and moved online, the norms that we follow to keep ourselves safe against dangers have changed too.
Predators use Facebook and other social networks to groom children for abuse, but it’s not just young people who are vulnerable.
One of the cardinal online safety rules we tell kids is never agree to meet someone in person whom you’ve only met online.
But when you’re an adult it’s not that cut and dry, especially with the advance of internet dating.
What follows is a truly harrowing story. It’s important to remember that things like this are rare, but we’re telling it here because tales that are shocking help us to remember why we need to stay vigilant when meeting people in real life that we’ve met online.
A Romanian woman who thought she was going out on a date with an unmarried humanitarian aid worker whom she’d met on Facebook was instead raped, strangled, stabbed, and left for dead.
Surgeons at Bagdasar-Arseni Hospital worked to save Eliza Dragne, 30, but it was too late, according to the Daily Mail.
While she was being airlifted to hospital, she had managed to tell police who her attacker was.
News.com.au reports that Eliza met the man, Nicu Alin Cristea, 29, on Facebook.
His Facebook persona was a lie. Rather than being a single humanitarian aid worker who helped orphaned children, he was actually a construction worker who had been married for just a month.
After they chatted online, the two agreed to go out for a drink, and Cristea picked her up in his car.
Rather than going for a drink, he allegedly took her to a remote spot near Alexandria, southern Romanian, where the attack took place.
Police say that Cristea took his victim’s mobile phone, logged in to her Facebook account, deleted all of his messages to her, and then abandoned her for dead in a field.
While she lay dying in the hospital, police managed to track down Cristea. He was apprehended at his home in the midst of a one-month anniversary party with his wife.
He denied the attack until police told him that he had been identified by the victim.
This is an appalling crime. Our deepest sympathies to the family and friends of Eliza Dragne. There are no words to encompass the tragedy of your loss.
Let those who read of her death reconsider how trusting they are of strangers online. May they keep themselves more safe as a result.
Be sceptical about what people say about themselves over the internet and never accept Facebook friend requests from people you don’t know, even if you have mutual friends.
If you have met someone online and you want to meet up in person, it is worth remembering to exercise caution however well you feel you know their online persona.
Meet them in a public place, and tell someone where you’ll be and when you will be returning home.
It’s not just extreme cases like this – phishing, fake anti-virus, online dating scams, and others all rely on conning people into believing something that isn’t true.
And please, spread the word to others who are vulnerable to predation, be it online or off.
Keep Eliza Dragne in your thoughts, and keep yourself and others safe.
Image of Facebook friend courtesy of dolphfyn / Shutterstock.com.
Whilst, this story is horrifying, I not sure that this is the appropriate forum for this kind of topic – it seems more suited to Facebook…I was just waiting for the ‘Share if you Like’ line at the end.
I don’t think it is fair to say: “never […] agree to meet someone in person, whom you’ve only met online.”
I’ve done it. Thousands, if not millions have done it. It is _HOW_ you do it that is important. Obviously, going alone is not recommended, even for the most stalwart. Honestly, it is no different than going off alone with someone you’ve just met for the first time anywhere. Be it a bar, local event, concert, even a library or other innocuous place.
The fact that it was online does not make it any more risky.
Simple precautions:
Use the buddy system.
Let others (not going with you), know where you’re going and who you’re meeting up with.
Set predefined boundaries before going out. (Where you’ll go, What you’ll do, etc…)
It isn’t fair to tag such stigma to meeting “online” people, when the risk is equally there in “offline” situations.
As for tailoring your online behavior, that is another issue entirely and can make you an “easier” target if you openly share details of your life to the public. That information could just as easily be used for an “offline” predator. If you post how you go to bar “X” every Friday, you could run into a similar situation, never having agreed to meet up with a person “online.”
There are good things to take away from this, but it isn’t about meeting someone in person, whom you’ve met online. It is about keeping your private life private (online) and being generally cautious when meeting _any_ stranger the for first time.
Thanks for commenting. We’ve amended the article to reflect that the rules are for kids, but that it’s important for anyone to be cautious when meeting someone for the first time.
While it’s important to be cautious of encounters starting online, don’t let this minority of incidents twist your expectations into paranoia – as much good as bad can come from the Internet. I met my girlfriend of 9 months on a dating site, and I couldn’t be happier with the outcome.
You need to be cautious whether you meet someone on Facebook or even an online dating website. Meet them somewhere public. Make certain you go in your own means, and have a way to get away.
This article is a discretionary tale, but it doesn’t really offer much useful advice. Meeting online isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I would agree with the caution about meeting random people from Facebook.
My wife and I (married 11 years) met on an online dating site. I would hate to think that this means of meeting people would be unavailable to people today. I would amend your advice to “Never agree to meet someone in person who you have only met online.” to say “Meet in a public place and do not go anywhere else with that person until you know them better.” You might even want to take a friend along for a first meeting. It will always be possible for people with evil intent to convince others that they are something else. People need to be cautious, but I think there are ways to minimize the risk short of completely abandoning the web as a way to meet people.
Thanks for the feedback John. We’ve amended the article to reflect that the rules are for kids, but that it’s important to always be cautious when meeting someone for the first time.
I would add one more: Get pictures. Make sure you take a picture of the two of you, preferably with the date, and send it to someone you trust that the other person doesn’t know about.
The picture isn’t just security. It’s also a warning. A serious other party won’t have a problem with it. A predator may be deterred.
“…never…agree to meet someone in person, whom you’ve only met online.” If everyone followed this advice and never met someone in person that they only met online, all those dating websites would be out of business! That advice is a little dated. There’s nothing wrong with meeting someone in person that you met online as long as you take proper precautions: take a friend, meeting in a public place, drive separately, tell people where you are going.
While this is a sad story for the victim, it could have just as easily happened if they had met in person initially, like at a bar, and then agreed to go out. no matter how you initially meet someone, you need to be cautious while getting to know that person.
I beg your pardon. You’re all absolutely right. Advice was overly simplistic. The result of a brain that was overly tired and a bit shell-shocked by the material at hand. Like you commenters, I’ve also met plenty of people in the real world whom I first encountered online, and I followed the precautions you all mention: meet in a public place, let others know where I’m going and with whom, and don’t get into a car with somebody you don’t know. I pledge more nuanced advice, and I thank you for your input.
You’ve just killed Craigslist–and Freecycle.
How else are you going to conclude a local transaction of something too bulky to make shipping worthwhile, like a used lawnmower?
I would like to add….be your own detective as well. Doesn’t hurt to send friend requests to his/her friends to check out his/her story if on Facebook. I’ve caught married men this way.
Huh? “… never accept Facebook friend requests from people you don’t know, even if you have mutual friends.” Errr, if you never accept a friend request from either a person you don’t know OR if you have mutual friends, that leaves NO ONE.
if you go to the net looking for love you will find demons and curses.
Everybody dating on the internet has demons. Every person on dating site including the owners of dating sites have demons. If you look for a partner on the internet, then prepare yourself to meet the devil quick. If you look on the net for a spouse, you are looking for fornication type of love and demons will make sure you meet a devil who will bring you to the pit quick. The internet is dangerous, be on the safe side.
majority of internet addicts are demonized, so be careful when using the net.